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Post by judydarling on Oct 1, 2009 15:30:34 GMT -5
Just wondering how many fans of Judy have divorced or separated parents and how this affected you.. upon reading any bio of Judy Garland I am struck just how affected Judy was by her parents marital difficulties. It then affected all her relationships and she conseqentely divorced FOUR times.
Does the divorce/separation make you not want to get married or change your idea of marriage and true love?
Does having separated/divorced parents make you embarassed or ashamed to tell your family history to other people? Did it make you feel forced to choose between different sides of your family or not make you want to have a family at all?
Or did your experience make you hope for better things and make you desire to really put having a loving family first in your goals in life?
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Post by bogart on Oct 2, 2009 14:55:24 GMT -5
Years of therapy.
Even if not divorced and separated, a child of a marriage that is mostly for convenience grows up not knowing what a real relationship is.
And many kids get married just to escape from their parents authority.
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Post by overworked on Oct 3, 2009 0:20:50 GMT -5
My parents divorced. But I was in my mid 20's when it happened. It was years in the making, so it wasn't exactly a shock.
No shame. Don't take either side. On holidays, my bro's and sister feel it's mom and pops uncomfort. Not ours. It's way too common of a situation these days to feel embarassed about it with anyone else. And, being old enough when it offically happened, I could deal with it in stride.
It probably has effected me, but is was subtle..I think. I thought they were both nuts. Fairly decent, but nuts. But the older I get, I can see both of their sides more clearly.
Relationships are like a juggling act. Fun when it works, a P.I.A. when it doesn't.
Men and women are just a bit too different. I don't have the insight, and maybe as of recently the patients, to find the happy medium - in terms of a day to day relationship. Not sure why we're so different, at least different after the relationship comes in to play.
If anyone has turned a 180 on you, and more than once, it sometimes doesn't seem worth it. Then again, who's the same person everyday?
Peace vs conflict is an easy decision. But a good relationship is worth the conflict. Then there's those biological factors that trump reason and experience.
Judy seemed to need an intimate relationship. I think she should have looked a little more inwardly first, then stepped out slowly. Then again, walk in her shoes. And, I think, the point of this thread - her (mis)guidence resulted in her horrible decisions. And, have similar situations effected your decisions and perception?
Character isn't exactly a common commodity these days. Probably never has been. But it's not exactly on the top of the list either. I think we need to re-shuffle the prospect priority deck. Maybe that will change things for the better.
I have yet to witness a really great relationship. At least as far as the people I really know are concerned. Anyone can fake it for company, as most kids of divorced parents know. The best one's I've seen so far are suplemented with compromise and acceptance. But that acceptance and compromise for the sake of others sometimes change them for the better - I think. Maybe that's the purpose. Who knows? No one.
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Post by judydarling on Oct 3, 2009 17:58:21 GMT -5
My parents are still together. I think in most part they accept and respect each other and that acceptance is probably key. And they both want the same things, and trust each other. I can't imagine anything so awful happening that they couldn't stand to be living in the same room or house anymore.
I have friends who's parents are separated/divorced and it seems to me its either about issues of control or its fidelity. Its hard on kids who are young and their parents lie to them or avoid the issue all together about why they are breaking up. I don't think that can be very good for them. But it does make me question why on earth some people got married in the first place. You are making vows, to love someone, forsaking all others for the rest of your life. Why would you make such a big decison if you weren't going to stick to it? I think its a crying shame that Judy couldn't have worked things out with her first husband David Rose. But then I don't really know the entire story. It seemed Judy put her career ahead of her marriage. Personally I don't think that was right. A marriage is meant to last you the rest of your life, a career or a job is not your whole life. You are marrying someone for WHO they are on the inside, not WHAT they do on the outside. That was a big mistake for Judy's later marriages.
I do think character is important. I was reading that 7 habits of highly effective people book once (didn't finish it) but it did say something how people seem to value personality over character these days and that's not really a good thing. You can fake a personailty but you can't fake your character.
I won't post much more because it's all prety complicated. It's true men and women are very different. But that's what makes life interesting.
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